Beggars Belief

As the offices that I work in are in a non too salubrious part of town I am used to being accosted by vagrants and beggars asking me if I "have any change". I of course walk past with a comment such as 'Yes, I have loads of change, now get a job scruffy and you can have some of your own'.

These people at least just sit in the underpass and just mumble at you. The more annoying ones are those who accost you on the street with something along the lines of '' 'scuse me mate, I've lost my bus fare and need to get to Rotherham. Could you lend me some change?"

These people are if anything more scummy than the tramps. They are obviously trying it on just to get a few extra quid to supplement their benefit, which they have already squandered on fags, booze, drugs and pieces of mystery meat bought in dodgy pubs. I always walk by with a stern "No, now get a job you scrounging git and you can buy a car".

Yesterday, on the way back to my car I met a new breed of scum. I stopped at a cash machine and after I had finished I turned round to walk away and was accosted by a dodgy looking bloke holding a shiney blue cloth in his hand who then said " 'scuse me mate, I was just wondering if you wanted to buy a Newcastle United shirt?".

What? I thought?

Which city does he think we are in?

Does he really think that he will cold sell a football shirt by asking on the street?

More worrying is the fact that he thought I could be a football fan (a game played by un-educated homosexuals and watched by chavs).

I said something along the lines of "No, now get a job stinky" and as I was walking away he shouted after me "Only I was supposed to meet a mate but he has not turned up". Was this supposed to make me think that I did actually want the shirt?

As I crossed the road he finished his 'sales pitch' by shouting "He's coming from Doncaster". Did he think I cared?

What must these people be thinking? Does anyone actually buy stuff from people in the street?

I wish the company I work for would move offices to somewhere nicer so I could get away from these 'people'. Either that or for the law to be changed so that it is legal to shoot them.



The Author said…
you remind me of Victor Meldrew. But it's okay because I know that you always buy the Big Issue!
Big Issue sellers don't bother me. At least they are doing something to earn money.

I never buy it though. Too Socialist for me. :-)
The Author said…
There were some big issue sellers in Weybridge town centre yesterday - right here in the middle of the Surrey posh loo lah land!!! I couldn't believe it!!! There was also this horrid chav girl who was with two friends, and as I got out of my car to go into M&S Food (YUM YUM) she spat on the floor - uuuurgh - disgusting! I really wanted to say something to her along the lines of "Excuse me, common little oik, could you keep your spitting to yourself please?" but I daren't as I thought she might attack me with her giro cheque.
Rach said…
Jesus Christian, speak your mind, why don't you. No, no, honestly, don't hold back...
Anonymous said…
@tracy, they dont get giro's now, its bank transfers, but I see your point about oiks, as a (on a long break from work) taxi driver I got to see lots of them, usually drunk on thursday nights. BTW, I'm a briddon, so may be a long lost very distant relative, since all briddons come from one spot.


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